Embrace Your Inner Murdock

I recently had an epiphany about what I do as an actress.  It’s intrinsically a part of my genetic makeup.  My entire life I’ve been trying to get people to see the other side of the story.  In the past I’ve referred to myself as a peacemaker…but really I’m just gifted at standing in someone else’s shoes and realizing what the other side of the story is.  (Of course I’m flawed and when it gets too personal I’m as narrow minded as the next person.)  But that is why I have to act. I want to be the storyteller – the medium between the freaks and geeks.  An ambassador to every kid who thought she wasn’t cool – to tell her that the coolest thing she can be is herself.  To show her that you can grow up to be awesome, achieve your dreams and make a difference.

 

That’s what Murdock taught me. 

Howling Mad Murdock is the certifiably insane pilot from The A-Team.  He was my favorite everything growing up.  As a kid I dressed like him, tried to act like him, and basically wanted to be him when I grew up.  Looking back, I think I was captivated by how funny he was.  He was almost like a live action cartoon with his impersonations and crazy shenanigans.  However, as an adult I realize that he instilled something much deeper in me.  See, Murdock marches to the beat of his own drum and is never afraid to express himself.  To be honest, I’ve lived by that principle my entire life.  Not perfectly, of course, but the times in my life when I’ve felt the happiest and the most alive are when I’m just being myself, no apologies.  Truthful.  I want to share that with people and speak truth into the characters I play.  God willing, I could be someone else’s “Murdock.” That is my dream.

I often talk to myself.  Many times I get in my car and forget to put on music because I’m so busy telling myself something.  I shall call it…verbal journaling.  Sometimes I’m not talking to myself, though.  I speak to specific people that I’d like to meet, or imagine that I have students that I’m teaching, or that I’m giving an interview.  During a recent imaginary conversation I was expressing some of my feelings about my acting career and I referred to my board of directors.

Wait.
What?
I don’t have a board of directors.

Suddenly, clear as day, I realized that my board of directors was very dear to me and very real.  My board includes all four members of The A-Team, with Murdock being the Chairman, Algernon & Jack, several of The Doctors, Lucy Van Pelt, Miss Piggy, The Warner Brothers (and the Warner sister,) Gandalf, Dumbledore, Aslan and a slew of other well-loved characters.  They are all pieces of me and I turn to them when I’m searching for direction.  Not like idols or anything.  Just reminders of who I am.  It’s funny, because I remember people being concerned that I was so wrapped up in fictional characters, but I needed them while I was growing up.  And every now and again, as Sarah says in Labyrinth, I need them.  As I grow and change, there are more characters added, but seldom does a character resign from the Board.  They’ll always be a part of me.  That’s how powerful storytelling is.

And that is why I must be a storyteller.

A typical Board Meeting.